THE BUCKET CHURCH

Gentlemen and Ladies, I want to welcome you to your first day in the Bucket Theological Seminary. You will learn much about the Bible that you never knew before, like the multiple authorship of Isaiah and the unknown book we call “Quelle” that has never been uncovered that is a source for the four Gospels.

"Bucket": A self-contained religious container that becomes an end in itself and justifies its existence and goodness by maintaining its organized activities and tradition. The bucket becomes more important than the living water for which the bucket was originally designed to carry. The wineskin becomes more important than the wine. -Bill Beckham

But the main thing this institution offers you is how to manage Buckets. It is not possible to manage individuals who belong to your congregations by personally taking time to meet all their needs. Through the generations, we have learned that it is more efficient to work with those who are placed in different Buckets. We will show you how to "Love Buckets, Use People."

We always spell this word with a capital “B” because it is a special word for us: a special, almost sacred concept. In fact, most church members and denominational leaders in particular consider the Buckets as inspired by the Holy Spirit. We will teach you all about how to administer religious life through assorted Buckets.

The major Bucket is the Sanctuary you will occupy to present your sermons throughout your career. If you are successful, you will be able to raise millions during your administrations and build ever larger Bucket Rooms with comfortable pews, stained glass windows, and excellent air conditioning systems. This will make you feel significant, having accomplished the distinction of being among the greatest Bucket Building Pastors who leave property (and debt) behind as you move forward to bigger opportunities.

Because of the importance of this major Bucket, we will teach you how to study the theologians so you can quote erudite comments for Bucket audiences who will sit in rows each week while “Sir Oracle” speaks.

There are many other Buckets and as you will learn, you will be able to hire specialists to help you manage the people who are placed in them. You will need an aspiring young zealot who will work with the Youth Bucket, a lovely woman who will manage the Children’s Bucket, a musician to handle the Choir Bucket, an elderly semi-retired person to cater to the Senior’s Bucket, visit hospitals, and so forth. We will show you how to use the latest corporate techniques to manage efficiently. Thus, you will not have to become intimate with the people. Others will take care of them.

Of course, the people who are dumped into these Buckets must be made to feel significant. The Choir and Praise Team Bucket, the Deacon’s Bucket, the Sunday School Bucket, are among those areas where unpaid volunteers will gain personal importance by taking charge of these activities. Feeling significant is a major reason Bucket workers serve. Some will do so out of devotion to God, but beware of them. They often become renegades who sense the Buckets may be unbiblical. Stay distant from these people who often want to be intercessors. They can become “wolves within,” as Paul mentions.

Of course, we will provide you with a few classes in counseling. You need to know about these professional techniques but we recommend that you focus on the Buckets and make referrals to full-time counselors when Bucket people need guidance. Your main work is not with individuals, but with the operation of the Buckets.

Bill Beckham calls this “Program Bucket Design,” often referred to as “P.B.D.” It has been fully developed and much literature is available. Jesus saw the traditions of the Pharisees as religious "buckets." Jesus' "woes" against the Pharisees were "woes" about these "buckets."

Are you happy living in the Buckets?